Who me? Afraid… nah!

  why they became a legitimate fear.

So continuing on with the list this one won’t come as a huge surprise to my kids. It’s funny how irrational fears can be and even sharing them makes you feel, well silly.
How do you explain why one thing that makes your blood run cold thru your veins when the other person doesn’t share that opinion.
Sometimes even saying them out loud can make a person nervous.  Maybe that’s why it’s not every day when someone opens up and shares the deepest parts of their soul. 

1. By now enough vacations to the Rocky Mountains or trips to the mall might have tipped you off that something was amiss. 
Perhaps you have caught the jesting between your father and I when you wandered closer to sneak a peak through the glass-railings at the second floor of the mall. I am hoping you misread the look of fear written all over my face as I run up the dead middle of open stairs to one of concern of being late for whatever even we were going to.

I so desperately want to tell you it’s o.k when you are dawdling a little too close to the railing or your poky walking up the stairs  but deep down inside there is a madwoman waiting to yank you safety away. 

Rationally I understand that you can not fall through the small opening on the bottom.  I’m sure I couldn’t shove my purse under there but you won’t see me try.

Ever. 

I am afraid Heights.  I don’t think its so much being fearful of being up high but of falling from somewhere up high. I don’t ever remember being afraid of heights until high school.  I was on a family trip and I remember my mom sitting on the floor in the car demolishing our silly putty as she pulled, squished and stretched it hoping to lessen her anxiety over being stopped on down slope of a steep hill hugging the mountain side our breaks smoking against the weight of us, our car and our camper trailer. 

2. Thanks to an evening wasted watching Stephen King’s movie “It” my perspective changed from trusting and believing clowns were “happy” to one of irrational fear of clowns.  No longer deemed safe in my subconscious eye they now come across as “evil and dangerous”.

Seriously.

What are they hiding behind that happily painted face?

  On my 25th birthday your father paid a waiter $20 to put on a clown wig and red nose and encouraged him to “pop” up when I walked into the room.  I saw him out of the corner of my eye I hightailed it out of  their and lost my ever loving mind in the restaurant bathroom leaving my stunned friends and family laughing in shocked disbelief. 

3. I hate to think that this one will get me labeled as a “Typical girl” because in some ways I am not but, I am afraid of teeny tiny spiders.  Perhaps it’s because I have often been surprised by one tangled up in my hair or felt it crawling across my arm when I was unaware that it was there. Which is strange.  I have held a tarantula in my hand and allowed it to crawl up my arm.  I stroked its back with my fingertip amazed that his fur was as soft as a bunny but a teeny tiny spider and all of a sudden I am a kung fu master viciously swinging my arms in defense. Perhaps I just don’t like surprises?

I am sure there are many more things that I am ridiculously frightened but this list only called for 3, if you really want to  poke inside this head of mine just ask!


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