What’s your why?

If you have been reading this little blog of mine for any real length of time you will have probably already guessed that I’m still scratching the surface for my “why”.
Not in the “why” am I here sort if way but the “why” do I do what I do sort of way.
I’ve already figured out the who I am and what I believe part of my life. I’m come to peace with my past and am not as fearful as what I used to be about my future. I kinda like the “me” I’ve become.
I’m just frustrated sometimes with the “me” staring back at me in the mirror.
If I could go back in time in time I would yank that cigarette out of my face and shove a bottle of SPF 100 sunscreen in my hand.
I wonder what my skin would have looked like if I had never puffed on a cigarette.
And what the heck happened to the rest of me?
All if my life I could eat what I wanted and my weight wouldn’t fluctuate at all.
That was until I had kids.
With my first daughter I went from 102lbs to 180lbs.
Forget the freshman 15 I did the freshmen 80!
The weight levelled off around 125 and then I had a wedding to plan and a Pepsi addiction that would surprise you.
I was okay with that.
Three babies later and the scale is a little less than friendly.
Actually I looked like this: 

Pregnant with #4. 
I have gone as high as a size 12 and am now hovering somewhere between a size 6-4.
Size is one thing.
But am I healthy?
I couldn’t say 100% and that frightens me so been searching for my “why” I never cared before and “why” I thought skinny was healthy. When I was skinny I believed I was healthy.
I wasn’t.
The size written in my jeans hides the fact that I have about 15lbs hugging parts of me that shouldn’t.
Yoga alone wasn’t cutting it so I swallowed my pride and joined weight watchers.
My first full week one the program is over tomorrow and then I will hit the scales to see how much counting points has shed off my body.
Especially with thanksgiving just behind me!
This was me Saturday night.

Not bad for a mother of 4 creeping closer than I ever imagined to the big 4-0.
But I don’t want to look like this a year from now.
Now before I get a bunch of angry letters just hear me out.
I want to look younger, leaner and stronger.
So that’s my why.
Why I said NO to pumpkin pie (even though I love it and desperately want to smother a piece with whipped cream and inhale it) and yes to another 8oz of water.
Why I said no to tanning beds and yes to spray tans.
And why I am saying yes to more exercise, healthy eating, learning how to properly read food labels.
Perhaps sharing this with you is my secret way if having someone to be accountable too or maybe your like me and your looking too.
So tell me.
What’s your “why”?


19 thoughts on “What’s your why?

  1. Seana, that is a great “why”!
    It can be so easy not to honor what we have been given and keep looking for “the next thing”.
    And thank you so much for telling me I look great.
    I have my first weigh in tonight and I am nervous! lol


  2. Thanks for sharing this and opening up…I definitely have some regrets when it comes to my health and it's very frustrating to have not been “smarter” when I was younger,… to not realize that choices do have consequences. The best thing I can do is treat my body right now. Thanks again for sharing this…..


  3. You look great and your why is a fab story. I think there are things that we all regret in life, wish we could have done differently or get a “do over” — but we can't, so we have to look forward and figure out what the next “why” or “what” will be!


  4. You look wonderful. I got back to my pre-prego weight (gee, that's 25 years ago!) but now I'm putting weight back on. It's the meds I'm taking, and the fact that I'm not exercising like I used to. I'm very proud of you!


  5. There are many things that I wish I would have done differently in my life. But that is past and I must move forward. I am still trying to figure out why and I think I go through stages with this. With each year that I get older, I have a different why and a different answer.


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