What’s your why?

If you have been reading this little blog of mine for any real length of time you will have probably already guessed that I’m still scratching the surface for my “why”.
Not in the “why” am I here sort if way but the “why” do I do what I do sort of way.
I’ve already figured out the who I am and what I believe part of my life. I’m come to peace with my past and am not as fearful as what I used to be about my future. I kinda like the “me” I’ve become.
I’m just frustrated sometimes with the “me” staring back at me in the mirror.
If I could go back in time in time I would yank that cigarette out of my face and shove a bottle of SPF 100 sunscreen in my hand.
I wonder what my skin would have looked like if I had never puffed on a cigarette.
And what the heck happened to the rest of me?
All if my life I could eat what I wanted and my weight wouldn’t fluctuate at all.
That was until I had kids.
With my first daughter I went from 102lbs to 180lbs.
Forget the freshman 15 I did the freshmen 80!
The weight levelled off around 125 and then I had a wedding to plan and a Pepsi addiction that would surprise you.
I was okay with that.
Three babies later and the scale is a little less than friendly.
Actually I looked like this: 

Pregnant with #4. 
I have gone as high as a size 12 and am now hovering somewhere between a size 6-4.
Size is one thing.
But am I healthy?
I couldn’t say 100% and that frightens me so been searching for my “why” I never cared before and “why” I thought skinny was healthy. When I was skinny I believed I was healthy.
I wasn’t.
The size written in my jeans hides the fact that I have about 15lbs hugging parts of me that shouldn’t.
Yoga alone wasn’t cutting it so I swallowed my pride and joined weight watchers.
My first full week one the program is over tomorrow and then I will hit the scales to see how much counting points has shed off my body.
Especially with thanksgiving just behind me!
This was me Saturday night.

Not bad for a mother of 4 creeping closer than I ever imagined to the big 4-0.
But I don’t want to look like this a year from now.
Now before I get a bunch of angry letters just hear me out.
I want to look younger, leaner and stronger.
So that’s my why.
Why I said NO to pumpkin pie (even though I love it and desperately want to smother a piece with whipped cream and inhale it) and yes to another 8oz of water.
Why I said no to tanning beds and yes to spray tans.
And why I am saying yes to more exercise, healthy eating, learning how to properly read food labels.
Perhaps sharing this with you is my secret way if having someone to be accountable too or maybe your like me and your looking too.
So tell me.
What’s your “why”?